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I'm a stay-at-home Dad suffering from Fibromyalgia. I homeschool my daughter and lead worship at my church. I'm also a gamer and a geek and proud of it.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Late Night...

Got in really late last night, I attended a Ranger Basics class out in Agawam, MA. It went well but Agawam is like 1 1/2 hours from my house and the meeting was 3 1/2 hours long. didn't get in until almost midnight (I missed my exit of the Mass Pike). So I got in and started to blog a little about my day. It was really great, very cathartic. I went to publish and there was a hiccup. Needless to say everything I typed, or rather rambled, was lost. Dejected I went to bed.

The cathartic effect was still there though. I guess I really just needed to work things out in my mind about how I was feeling. I was kind of blind sided by how much emotions were still locked up inside me over my dad's passing. I have many regrets over everything, nothing I could really control, just a bunch of "if onlys". There has been a lot of healing going on through all this, and though in the end God didn't heal my dad from the stroke or the dementia, He did heal me. Not a physical healing, though that would be awesome right now (the weather has every joint and muscle screaming in pain right now), but an emotional healing.

I'm also beginning to see just how much God has blessed me and my family, not just by meeting or needs, though that has been totally beyond anything I could have hoped for or imagined. Over the past few months I have felt God moving me, guiding me, shaping me into the man He has always intended me to be. They other day I felt he gave me a glimpse of some of the things he has in store for me and well all I can say is "whoa". I am excited, scared, and humbled by what I'm seeing so far and I know He has barely even begun. So as I've said before just "Wait and See".