Saturday, December 5, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Also, confirmed the date and time to record the CD for my mom. Judy is going to take pictures so I can include them with my post about the experience. I'm so excited about this, I never imagined that I would be recording in a real studio, it is more than I could have hoped for. What started as a simple gift for my mom has turned into God giving me a desire of my heart that I wasn't even aware of. I'm so humbled and feel so loved by my God right now.
On a related note, I joined the adult choir at church and we started rehearsals for the Candle Light Service, also I found an awesome song for a solo, either for during the offering on a Sunday, the Candle Light Service, or both. You can check it out here.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." 1 John 1:7
You see if your walking in the light there is no place to hide, everything is exposed for everyone to see. That is what true fellowship is, it's more than friendship. It's an openness both between God and ourselves, and between ourselves and others.
It really hit home this week for me. I was singing at the Veteran's Day service at our church, and from all accounts I did great, but people noticed I was visibly shaking. I never quite understood how, when I worked for AT&T, I could stand in front of a classroom of 20 strangers and talk about how fiber optic cables worked like it was second nature, but ask me to sing in front of my own congregation, my friends and family, I get terrified. It dawned on me this morning it's because I sing from the heart. I'm opening myself, my true self, up to criticism and rejection. I'm baring a little part of my soul for all the world to see every time I sing. There's a line in a song by Casting Crowns that goes "But would it set me free if I dared to let you see the truth behind the person you imagine me to be. Would your arms be open, or would you walk away. Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay." That is the question, isn't it? The one of which we are so frightened? We have to remind ourselves that God will never walk away from us.
I for one will continue to sing from my heart, because I know God is with me. He will strengthen me when I'm weak. His perfect love will cast out all fear, and I will walk in the light.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
On Wednesday, Allen Lorentson, one of my best and dearest friends, went home to be with the Lord. A friend like Al only comes around once in a lifetime. From the first day we met he was generous and sincere in his friendship toward my wife and myself.
You see I have always had trust and self esteem issues, it is only in the last few years that I have grown comfortable and confident in the person God has made me to be. I have always rationalized people being friends with me as either they wanted something from me or were just tolerating me for the sake of being polite, but not Al. Al never made me feel that way. He was just so genuine that the sincerity of his friendship cast aside any of my own insecurities. He wasn't perfect, and he acknowledged that with a humbleness that we could all aspire to, and when he stumbled he didn't stay down, but moved on in the grace of God sharing that grace with all around him.
He was generous as well. I remember the first time he invited my family on his family's annual camping trip. He made us feel, as he always did, like a part of the family. It became a tradition after that, so much so, that when one year we were facing financial difficulties he paid our share of the camp site so we could be there. He treated me like a little brother, and when my father passed last year he comforted me and shared my grief. He has always opened his home to us and shown true christian hospitality. If there was ever a man that exemplified true biblical masculinity it was Allen. He was a servant leader in his home, a loving father, a devoted husband, a true faithful friend.
Al were all gonna miss you, but as I told my daughter last night, we'll see you again when we all get to heaven. Debbie, Alicia, Erica, this song is for you...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
We left The farm a got home just in time for my daughter to change into her leotard for gymnastics. She so didn't want to go, but I reminded her that we had already paid for the sessions and she was going to have to go. We stopped for Wendy's on the way there, I ended up dripping burger grease and Ketchup on my jeans and shirt, so after gymnastics we had to swing by the house so I could change clothes. Then we were off again, this time to Church.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Like I said I did get a lot done today. I'm all prepared for the Bible Study I'm leading at my wife's job tonight. Still nervous but I know with God's help I'll do fine. Picked out the songs I'm going to record for my mom and emailed the list to the studio. Had to limit my selections to karaoke titles only so it was tough picking out songs that I knew and felt comfortable singing. I'm just waiting to here back from them so we can arrange some studio time to do the recording. I'm kinda excited about it as I have never sung in a studio before, ought to be cool.
Things are starting to come together, like I keep saying "Wait and See."
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The cathartic effect was still there though. I guess I really just needed to work things out in my mind about how I was feeling. I was kind of blind sided by how much emotions were still locked up inside me over my dad's passing. I have many regrets over everything, nothing I could really control, just a bunch of "if onlys". There has been a lot of healing going on through all this, and though in the end God didn't heal my dad from the stroke or the dementia, He did heal me. Not a physical healing, though that would be awesome right now (the weather has every joint and muscle screaming in pain right now), but an emotional healing.
I'm also beginning to see just how much God has blessed me and my family, not just by meeting or needs, though that has been totally beyond anything I could have hoped for or imagined. Over the past few months I have felt God moving me, guiding me, shaping me into the man He has always intended me to be. They other day I felt he gave me a glimpse of some of the things he has in store for me and well all I can say is "whoa". I am excited, scared, and humbled by what I'm seeing so far and I know He has barely even begun. So as I've said before just "Wait and See".
Thursday, October 15, 2009
So as the song says "Wait and See, He's not finished with me yet."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Well I would love to expound on the Co-op more but I'm exhausted, I was up late helping my wife type up her paperwork for her nursing II clinical, didn't get to bed until around 3 am and then had to be up at 7 am. I can't complain too much though, the wife was out the door at 5:30. Anyway my FMS is killing me and I still gotta call the doctor. I'm a terrible procrastinator especially when it involves doctors, never feel like they take me seriously. I've also got this irrational fear that they'll find something new wrong with me.
Hope to post again later after I've gotten some rest, but if not hope everyone has a great day.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Seriously I know that things would be easier if I wasn't in such constant pain, but sometimes it's all just way overwhelming. I'm seriously considering hiring a maid after my wife is done with school. Anyway, am I the only guy out there that feels like this??? My wife tells me she felt the same way when she stayed home, but I still feel inadequate when it comes to all this house work. This is kinda uncharted territory in many ways. Yes, we've been homeschooling going on five years now, but this past year was my first as a full time stay at home dad. Prior to September I was still working part time at a Dunkin Donuts early in the morning, but my FMS (Fibromyalgia Syndrom) really started to take its toll. I try not to let it get me down. After all I'm still alive and kicking, well maybe not kicking, but you know what I mean. I'm just gonna have to keep reminding myself that the Good Shepherd is taking care of me, and as the psalm says I shall not want.
What do I know?
So, here I am over at Blogger.
I've really wanted to do this for a while now. Partly, to share some of my experience with other full time stay at home dads, and of course to vent once in a while.
So what will I be blogging about?
Well they always say, "Write what you know." That really doesn't narrow it down much. So, To give you an idea of what type of things I'll be sharing, I'll tell you a little about myself.
I'm a born-again christian, so, religion will definately be discussed.
Also, I'm a stay at home dad. Partially by chaoice, partially not. So, parenting will be on the menu as well.
I also homeschool my daughter. So, anything pertaining to education is fair game.
I love to cook, read, paint, draw, sing and play music.
Oh, and I'm a guy. So, I'll be delving into some scary territory there as well.